2011年2月10日 星期四

Draft 2


Name: Yu Weiran Date: 08/02/2011
Class: 2A3

Becoming

“Where am I?” Michael thought to himself, “I thought I was in the science lab doing a time travel experiment?”
Michael stood up and walked around the weird looking circle on the ground that was shiny blue in colour aimlessly, trying to figure out where the hell he was. Suddenly, Michael heard a noise, “Watch out!”
Michael turned around and saw a strange looking vehicle floating on the sky coming towards him at a speed of 570 kilometres per hour.
“Argh!” Michael screamed and ducked, the vehicle just missed Michael by inches.
The vehicle stopped moments after missing Michael and Michael stood up and tried to figure out what that thing was. A boy around the age of Michael stood out of the vehicle and said, “You okay there? I was just trying out my newest buzzmobile and it went a little out of hand.”
“Buzzmoblie?” asked Michael, puzzled, “Are you even old enough to drive a vehicle?”
Seeing the puzzled look on Michael’s face, the boy smiled and invited Michael to take a ride in his buzzmobile to have a look of the city despite the reluctance of Michael of going into a vehicle with a stranger alone. Michael finally relented and climbed inside the buzzmobile of the boy. Once inside the buzzmobile, Michael was flabbergasted by the electronic equipments inside the buzzmobile. The whole dashboard was just a screen with numbers and it could alternate to serve as a television screen or a GPS. The gearbox had not only two, but three modes. The first is a manual 9 stick gearbox, the second one was the automatic, while the third was fully automatic, which did not require the driver to do anything except to step on the accelerator. The windows can be switch into just about any scene in the world. The boy was friendly too. He introduced himself to Michael that his name is Jacques Pironi.
Michael was getting comfortable enough with Jacques, so when the buzzmobile stopped at a junction, Michael took one gulp and asked Jacques “Where am I?”
Jacques was shocked upon hearing this question. He replied “Don’t tell me you do not know where you are? You are just opposite the newly renovated Marina Bay Sands in Singapore!”
Michael looked opposite, the Marina Bay Sands have changed do much. “What is the date, Jacques?” Michael asked, he was desperate to know how he had landed in this weird place.
“It is the 3rd of December, 3011.” replied Jacques.
Michael was stunned. He could not figure out how he ended up some 1000 from his time. Seeing the confused look on Michael’s face, Jacques asked Michael what have happened. At first, Michael wanted to hide the truth from Jacques, but after persuasion, Michael decided to tell Jacques what he suspected had happened. It was Jacques’ turn to be stunned when Michael finished telling his story. Jacques was so shocked that they were of a thousand years age difference that he almost rammed his buzzmobile into an old lady.
Michael followed this up by asking Jacques to give him a tour of the Singapore in 3011, and Jacques was so shocked that he agreed. Michael was astonished by the Singapore in 1000 years time. Buildings have became a few thousand stories tall, cars were travelling at at least a speed of 500kph, the old integrated resorts, HDB flats were long gone and Singapore have became the richest country in the world after the discover of petroleum under the bed of Singapore River.
Surprised by the fact that there was petroleum under the bed of Singapore River, Michael asked Jacques if they could visit the sites using the buzzmobile. Michael was so impressed with the petroleum site that he leaned forward just a little, but just then, a giant fish leaped out of the river and attacked Michael. Trying to fight free from the giant fish, Michael attempted to push the fish away, but both of them fell into the river. Michael grabbed the sides of the pavement as the fish slowly but surely brought Michael down. Jacques also tried to help to pull Michael up, but to no avail. The fish was too strong for the two boys to withstand.
On the sight that Jacques might also be dragged into the polluted Singapore River, Michael bravely said “Jacques, it is a great pleasure to know you as a friend. Even though we’ve only met for a few hours, I’ve enjoyed myself a lot. I don’t want to drag you into this.”
Jacques wept on hearing this. He replied “Michael, I do not want to lose a friend like you, please take this pendulum with you. It has always been with me since the start of my life. Hope you can survive this attack.” Moments later, Michael was completely in the water.
The next thing Michael knew, he was in the toilet bowl of his secondary school, his clothes were soaked and smelly. However, Michael reached into his pocket and found a pendulum, the exact same thing that Jacques had given him. Stepping out of the toilet, he was confronted by his science teacher, whom because he could not stand the scent on Michael, stood ten yards away and asked Michael what he wanted to do for his science project. “A project that helps to keep the water clean, I do not want people living 1000 years later to have unclean waters and big ferocious fishes.” Michael replied.
“Don’t be stupid, you know the world will end in 2012.” The teacher replied, before storming away. Michael knew this wasn’t going to happen, and he would do his best to give his descendents a better life.

3 則留言:

  1. Weiran, what an interesting story you have wrote. The plot and main idea of the story is very interesting and refreshing. The description of the scene of Michael at the Singapore River is vivid and the feelings between Michael and Jacques is great.

    I also like the ending a lot. It is a creative ending and instead of Michael drowning, you have him ending up in a toilet bowl, which is hilarious. Your link of the smell of a toilet bowl and the polluted Singapore River is also ironic because you are trying to say that the River is as smelly as a toilet bowl.

    Hope to read more interesting posts from you in the future.

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  2. Weiran, I like your way of describing quite a few scenes, for example the sentence on a flying vehicle going toward Michael. I liked the description because of the specific details you gave such as the vehicle travelling at 570 kilometers per hour, though I am a little bit doubtful if Michael could really deduce the speed of the vehicle. However, this showed your style in writing because you managed to describe the speed of the vehicle in an exaggerated manner.
    It also seemed that you loved writing dialogues and thoughts. The dialogues between Michael and Jacques are very smooth-flowing and does not seem fake and you also managed to practice the different methods that Mr. Lum taught about bringing alive the dialogues and characters. Great job! The part where I like particularly is when the flying vehicle almost crashed into Michael, "missing it by a few inches", because there is also a sound effect of Michael exclaiming in shock, making the story realistic. Normally, I would forget the exclamations of the characters in a story when something frightening happened, reducing the effect of the tense atmosphere.
    However, I would like to give you some advice on improving the story. I feel that you could add on more vivid descriptions to the scenery and focus more on the mood and atmosphere of the story. Also, I think that the story plot could be improved though I like your ending.
    Wish that you could post more interesting stories!

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