http://2a315languagearts.blogspot.com/2011/02/characterisation-story-excerpt.html#comments
On Kevin's blog post: Characterisation, Story Excerpt
Weiran said...
Hi Kevin,
I like your excerpt on Michael Schumacher a lot. Being a Formula One fan myself, I think that the incident was not Schumacher's fault fully. During the 1997 season, Schumacher was the highest paid driver in Formula One and everyone expected him to deliver. However, the Williams team had the better car and in the end won the championship. After seeing the replay of the incident, I personally feel that Jacques Villenueve pushed Schumacher to the limit and Schumacher would've gone on the grass had he not crashed into Villenueve. I think this is simply media biasness to schumacher as there was a similar incident involving him and Damon Hill which he got away with. I've always stressed on not writing stories from a certain biased point of view. But anyway, this is a interesting excerpt of yours and I would like to see more of it in the future!
http://2a335la.blogspot.com/2011/02/story-excerpt.html#comments
On Peiyu's blog post: Story excerpt
Weiran said...
Peiyu,
I like the plot of this story very much. It shows the change emotions of Schweinsteiger from the start of the game till the end and the descriptions of each footballer's abilities are very interesting. However, I feel that your story is too biased towards Bayern. It is so biased that it looked too good to be true. You should have given different sides of the event. I think as a soccer player, Schweinsteiger surely will have a lot of praises for the opponents that defeated him. If you could add a few more views from the opponent's angle, it would be a much better story.
and
Weiran said...
Peiyu,
You seemed to change the story to be less biased to Bayern but for the Inter side, the only one you are praising is zanetti.
http://2a335la.blogspot.com/2011/02/short-story-draft-2.html#comments
On Peiyu's blog post: short story draft 2
Weiran said...
Hi Peiyu,
I like the plot of your short story very much, however, I think it is too anti-climatic. Your descriptions of the characters are very vivid especially for Li Bo but I feel that the character Xue bo is very nicely portrayed and it is one of the better characters I've read from people from my same level. There was a improvement from draft 1 and I'm looking forward on reading your final draft!
